How many times have you said ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘no’? So often we say ‘yes’ to things that we later regret having committed to. We do this because:
• we don’t know how to disappoint another person
• we might feel we’re going to offend someone if we say ‘no’ to them
• we say ‘yes’ because we are not masters of our own time and have a habit of letting other people dictate our priorities
• we say ‘yes’ when we want to say ‘no’ because we’re unskilled in articulating our needs and put other’s needs ahead of our own.
This behaviour is a waste of your valuable time. There’s nothing like a life-threatening illness to highlight how precious life and a less drastic route can be found to committing your valuable time in a way that feels right for you. When your life is limited, you become very choosy about whom you’re going to spend your time with and in what activities you’re willing and eager to participate in.

Here are some ways to say ‘no’ to the invitations that might sound good but don’t feel right for you. I’d love to hear your feedback about how you have put these into practice in your own life.

‘I’d love to say yes, but I have to say no’.

This gives people a gentle way of saying that I feel warmly toward your idea but I am unable to assist you. If you need a soft and gentle way of letting people down then this statement meets the need!

‘Thank you for asking me but I’m fully committed at present’.

This is an excellent response as no one can argue with the fact that you are master of your time and you know where every single hour is allocated and there’s no possibility of taking on another commitment.

‘Thank you for asking me but I’ll need to check my diary and get back to you’.

If you habitually say ‘yes’ to everyone then this is another excellent response and the important thing is that you don’t reach for your diary! This response gives you some time to think about whether this is really how you want to spend your time or do you really value the company of this person/people. If, at a distance once you’ve consulted your diary, your response is ‘yes I’d love to do that, be there; be involved with that’, then call the person and commit your time and presence to the occasion, activity or involvement. Then you can turn up 100% to your commitment rather than saying ‘yes’ to something that you’ve habitually said ‘yes’ to and end up resenting how you’re spending your time.

In my next blog we’ll talk about how people use the word ‘try’ to indicate interest…as in, ‘I’ll try and be there on Saturday…’.

• Posted on Thursday, July 1st, 2010
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